I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
