I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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