You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
