The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize