u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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