So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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