every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
