pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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