my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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