i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
