sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
