he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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