do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
