I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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