we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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