I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
