my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
