where am i from again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
