I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
