I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
