omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
