He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
