The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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