Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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