I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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