Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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