tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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