I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
