Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
