is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
