I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
