so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
