I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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