I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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