I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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