i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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