who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i think i just lost a toe
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
