this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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