if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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