I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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