Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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