Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
