i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
