I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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