i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Less talking, more tequila
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
