What a fucking waste of an outfit
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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