Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh god the rape fog is back!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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