Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
