capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
