I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
