her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
