Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
FUCK WHALES
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize