Christians are straight up FREAKS
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
