wanna go halves on a baby?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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