R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
