I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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