I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize