I've blown a few things in my day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
