why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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