Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
