Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
