I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
