You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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