sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize