I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
