I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
