Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
