I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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