I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
