so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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