All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize