Nicole vs. Life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
