seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
