I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
