Your tits are I can't wait for
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize