remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
operation harelip BJ is a go
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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