Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
