After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
