I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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