i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
