thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
