im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
