my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize